A Dose of my Demise (This is how I would feel if I got a dose of my Demise)

Could you imagine staring death in the face every 6 months? Thinking that you only have 6 months to live...every 6 months??? I couldn't until January 2010, when I was told that this would be my life. It at times is surreal and I say over and over in my head that this can't be happening to me. Other times I say "Hey, this is how it is, let me make the best out of what I have". Well soon I'll be hooked to machines and I'll need two nurses to care for me. Some say "Oh how sad" but to me it's just reality. It's not sad or unfair or a shame, to so many people this have been their lives for a long time and there is so many people suffering way more than I am. This teaches me humility and to be humble. I was that party girl, teenager living the life, popular and also going down the wrong path. Now, I choose my friends and have very few but also very few drama in my life. No more party like a rockstar or find anyone to love me. I'm just Chyna. I love harder, I respect life and people more. I'm more understanding to people's struggle. This changed me for the better..I just tell myself that the pain I feel is just the price of my transformation. I'll sit in a hospital room tomorrow, sick and ready for any relief but it will never come. I deal with that pain today, knowing what's coming tomorrow, and still I smile because I know that when it's all over I'll be smiling, rather it's here on earth or in the sky. We all wish we could know when our last day on earth will be, but honestly we couldn't take a dose of our demise. Watch what you ask for and how you live...you may be judged on all of that today.