A Dose of my Demise (This is how I would feel if I got a dose of my Demise)

Could you imagine staring death in the face every 6 months? Thinking that you only have 6 months to live...every 6 months??? I couldn't until January 2010, when I was told that this would be my life. It at times is surreal and I say over and over in my head that this can't be happening to me. Other times I say "Hey, this is how it is, let me make the best out of what I have". Well soon I'll be hooked to machines and I'll need two nurses to care for me. Some say "Oh how sad" but to me it's just reality. It's not sad or unfair or a shame, to so many people this have been their lives for a long time and there is so many people suffering way more than I am. This teaches me humility and to be humble. I was that party girl, teenager living the life, popular and also going down the wrong path. Now, I choose my friends and have very few but also very few drama in my life. No more party like a rockstar or find anyone to love me. I'm just Chyna. I love harder, I respect life and people more. I'm more understanding to people's struggle. This changed me for the better..I just tell myself that the pain I feel is just the price of my transformation. I'll sit in a hospital room tomorrow, sick and ready for any relief but it will never come. I deal with that pain today, knowing what's coming tomorrow, and still I smile because I know that when it's all over I'll be smiling, rather it's here on earth or in the sky. We all wish we could know when our last day on earth will be, but honestly we couldn't take a dose of our demise. Watch what you ask for and how you live...you may be judged on all of that today.

Into the Smallest Box (Loving Alone)

Some people are loners. They can play by themselves, they don't need socialization. They like to work alone and just be alone. Well can some one please diagnose me.

Hi, I'm Chyna King and I like to Love alone.

I pour my heart out to people and love hard and get nothing in return. I have friends and family that have gotten the most out of me. I love my friends like siblings and I have even helped a friend find true love and still I got nothing. At the end they are left enjoying each others love and I'm left drained and empty.
The first step to recovery is admitting your problem. I am too quick to give my love away. Love is a strong word, I am not using it in a mellow tone or tense. I can can go into a homeless shelter with love for them as a human being and after I've interacted with them I'm leaving out loving them like friends. Feeling obligated to help them and check on them. This has happened to me. I meet people and it's like I find this connection with them and i hook my self up to them. Picture me with a whole bunch of connections coming from my heart and everyone i meet i hook this wire up to them and it's just people walking around connected to me.There's people in Jamaica, Puerto Rico, in Bermuda and even Saudi Arabia and of course all over the U.S.A. I call people all the time to check on them but not as many calls coming in as there is going out. Some one helped me realize that I Love too hard. That's one thing about a problem....people can see it before you can. I need to stop giving my all. I'm not gaining from it. I need to disconnect from some people and turn the current down. I need to learn to keep things casual and not personal.

My name is Chyna and I love alone. All by myself.

There's a Purpose

I'm tired of sitting in my house and expecting everything to miraculously be prosperous. We need to learn how to survive. I don't mean busting our ass to keep our head above water kind of survival. I mean surviving statistics, surviving the fucking transparent stains on our skin. Hear the tone of my writing. It is angry, furious and unpolitically correct. We buy fancy cars, expensive houses and we even by each other but we are so fucking poor and inferior to what we should have our focus on. The say I'm beautiful. That I could even be a model. Men whistle, women giggle but some stare. They call me fake and say that I don't know who I am. One day I'm Jamaican. They see the brown in my eyes and my full lips. Then another day they see the green in my eyes and my tan skin and I'm Puerto Rican. My Jamaican people see my straight hair and my Puerto Rican people see my strong facial features. Blood runs thru my veins. Love and Joy mixed. I was not designed to be judged. That's why my eyes and arms are not symmetrical. Neither is yours......TO BE CONT>...................-----------------WroteIntheSkyline-------------+>

Lifes a Beautiful B#$&%

It's funny how one minute your the reason someone smiles and the next minute your the reason they're so annoyed. I put my whole heart in "a situation" that ended up fucking me over in the end. One minute it's Chyna Chyna the next minute it's utter silence. It can't be fixed, I've tried and honestly I just think we're over. We'll drift apart and then there is only a fading memory. Some one else has all her attention and she's in her element. I don't make her happy any more and that's o.k. with me because it has to be. She'll easily move on without me. If I don't make her smile any more, then she should find someone that does....and she did. I just wanna find someone. I haven't smiled in too long. I think we're done. Even if we still talk......"US' is gone. Ever been in a room with alot of people and still feel lonely? So many voices in my ear yet I'm only trying to hear one. I'll leave her alone. Let her be. Let these emotions burn tremendously so that i can move on. All I wanna do is just see her as a friend again. Nothing more. If she doesn't wanna talk fine, don't, but because I have strong feelings for her every silent minute seems like a lifetime. I think it's time to release some feelings. It's time to let go. Life is a Beautiful B%$&@.......Everything that glitters is not Gold.......Every Good thing must come to an End. Goodbye Us.....................------------WroteInTheSkyline---------+>

One Night Only

I was about to write a really steamy blog about this woman i would love to have one night with.....but Never mind....All fantasies out the window. Fuck one nights and lifetimes. Let's talk about Global Warming.

Here's My Power

I have handed all my power and strength over to this woman....what the hell is wrong with me? Giving her the power to puppet my emotions. One second I'm happy the next I'm sad.....I'm crazy. I should always be happy...I should sing because I'm happy. I won't let that happen again. Shit, really? How can I let a woman that is someone else's business steal my damn Joy? I mean drain me instantly. Na, that was the last time. You wanna be a drama queen, then fine. I'm gonna walk away smiling like I was one second ago and we'll talk when the queen act is gone. I don't give you power....shit you already got my heart. Let me have something since you can't even give me what I want. If you walk away from me then guess what....you lost out to..........to be cont.